Melodrama! Romance! Perils galore, in:
The Greatest B-movie Adventure Never Made!
Welcome to Raiders of The Crystal Shark!
a ripping, gripping, Boy's-Own adventure set in the Dirty Thirties - a time
when men were daredevil action heroes, and beautiful women faced fiendish perils
at the hands of villains who were - as a general rule - completely remorseless.
The B-movie serials of the 40's and 50's have provided fertile ground for latter-day imitators. A clutch of blockbuster movies and at least one cult TV series, have re-invented and extended the genre in magnificent style.
Our superlative spoof of B-movie derring-do draws on an eclectic array of source material located in that unique and distinctive era. The action owes much to the writer's boyhood immersion in the respective adventures of Tin Tin and Biggles, whilst the generally disreputable proceedings are lent a thin veneer of dignity by oblique references to the works of H. Rider Haggard and Edgar Rice-Burroughs.
The debt to many classic movies of the era, including Casablanca, The Maltese Falcon, To Have and Have Not, and Only Angels Have Wings, is rather more obvious, along with more than a passing nod to Indiana Jones.
Despite the best intentions of the writer, a distinctive whiff of pantomime also pervades the play, with plenty of special effects, Technicolor costumes, and splendidly over-ambitious scenery!
The villains, (of whom there are several - each more hateful than his predecessor) are eminently hissable, and there are many other opportunities for audience participation. Members of the audience can be lulled into a false sense of security by being served a tot of schnapps (or flavoured mixer) at the outset. Within minutes their ID papers (well, their programmes anyway) are being scrutinized by the dreaded Gestapo. Later, every member of the audience is supplied with mind-expanding drugs (sherbet flying saucers actually), before their senses are assaulted by the heady odours of incense, as they become chanting acolytes in a forbidden temple... Gosh.
In panto of course, no one gets hurt. In this play, characters get killed. A lot. Shot, poisoned, squished, eaten, blown up, dropped down holes, and burned alive! There is also a deal of innuendo, and several rude words... All of which makes it eminently suitable for all but the youngest children.
This hilarious caper follows action-man anthropologist and fossil-hunter Dr Alabama Bones, through a series of thrilling adventures which take him from the dark heart of the Third Reich, to the ancient mountaintop kingdom of Munkipore, and then (via the South Pacific) to the mysterious volcanic island of Krakabotl - all in pursuit of a fabulous lost diamond - The Crystal Shark - which for some sinister reason is also being hunted by the Gestapo!
Along the way, Dr Bones, hopelessly hindered by his incompetent sidekick, Hoi-Sin, naturally encounters a bevy of beautiful heroines - including feisty cabaret artiste, Frenchy O'Rourke, stunning Indian Princess, Shag Aloo, and Pirate Queen of the South China Seas, Sumatran Sal. Or could it be ultra-glamorous Nazi agent, Marlene Krepp that our daredevil doctor really has the hots for?
Whilst his lady friends undergo a series of fiendish perils at the hands of a succession of thoroughly disagreeable villains (human sacrifice, pits of deadly snakes, you know - the usual stuff), Alabama handles his own dangerous situations in the only way an all-action hero knows how - in other words, creating utter mayhem wherever he goes!
Complete with hazard-ridden secret passageways, fabulous sacrificial temples, an entire flying boat, and a host of other special effects (including a de rigeur giant rolling rock!) Raiders of The Crystal Shark has the audience rolling in the aisles one minute, and gripping the edges of their seats the next!
Cast: Principals 10M 5F with much doubling possible. 6+ extras required, M or F.
Click here for characters in the play.
Licenced for performance by Richard Lloyd Playscripts. Click here for terms and conditions.
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